Friday, June 14, 2024
As important and simple as these questions sound, they are surprisingly difficult for so many people to know. I know for myself that I am more times than not have not a clue what I’m wanting, and I dread being asked them. Instead of answering, (cause I don’t what I want), I ask the other person what they want and am not only am relieved that they know and said so clearly, I’m so happy to do what they wanted to do.
This is why I practice focusing on what I want until something bubbles up to my awareness, whether it’s something I want to do, a place I want to go, something I would like to have, receive or give. It could be something I want to accomplish or a change I want to see in the world. Something, just to get used to thinking in terms of what I want. The second part of the practice is to communicate, let it be known what you want and get more comfortable being honest and real, speaking your truth, and create an opportunity to be heard, seen, understood, felt and connect.
There is usually a huge fallout when you’re not in touch with what you want. You’re not as present and connected and probably not as directed, motivated and passionate. And there is usually a fallout when you are in touch with what you want, but you don’t speak up, rather be scan the environment to make sure the coast is clear, hesitant to be or want something different than the other and afraid of how the other will feel or respond. Frustration builds when what you want doesn’t find expression.
I believe that knowing what you want and saying what you want or would like, is a deal-breakers. The quality of your life and relationships tend to work better; you’ll connect more and more intimately when you are in touch and you let what you want be known. Your life and relationships don’t work as well, tend to have more problems and breakdown more when you’re out of touch, and you’re not going to be as happy.
Yes. Rely on the connections you make and intimacy you create for sustenance!
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Daniel A. Linder is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Relationship Therapist and Trainer, an Addiction and Intervention specialist, with nearly four decades of experience working with individuals, couples and families.
The Birth and Life of an Intimate Relationship
The Miracle of Connection cracks the code to make the miracle of connection happen for yourself so that you can forge deeper and more intimate connections than you ever imagined was possible.