The Mystique of Beauty 04/15/2022

Friday, June 14, 2024

Primary Blog/The Mystique of Beauty 04/15/2022

Few things are more tantalizing than beauty, even more than attraction, what happens when we’re around people we consider to be beautiful, how our perception, behavior, and experience are affected. Beauty has a blinding effect.

I’m speaking from direct experience of what happens for me whenever I’m around someone I’d use the word beautiful to describe. Beauty is intoxicating. Suddenly, I feel a lot more attracted, interested, and like the person more, before making any contact or saying anything, riding on a mere visual projection.

I’m looking at them through a lens of idealization and glorification of their beauty, and blind to everything else about them. I’ll make up stories about them as if I know them, which makes them more desirable, without knowing them at all or having any direct contact, and which made me a lot more drawn to them than I would have been otherwise, on a collision course with reality, nevertheless.

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I’ve done enough self-work and mindful practice to have been able to dig myself out of the dregs of unconsciousness with the light of consciousness. Now that I can see when I’m projecting and when I’m hanging on to my projections or illusions, I can shift my focus from outside appearance only, to getting an inside take, a taste of each other’s juicy essences.

I know that when you’re stuck on beauty like I am, you’re at risk of never getting beneath the surface, never being able to connect with that person in a deep and meaningful way, which is a grave disservice to yourself. When you’re jettisoned on the surface of appearance and never able to touch into the guts of each other’s experience, connection and intimacy will most likely continue to elude you, until those blinders are removed (by consciousness or mindful practice).

There is no correlation between how you or others appear on the outside, regardless of how beautiful they are, with substance or depth, the quality and sustainability of the relationship.

Our over-emphasis on beauty has far-reaching implications, as it leads to an an overvaluation of the outer appearances and an undervaluation of what’s going on inside of a person.

Yes. Rely on the connections you make and intimacy you create for sustenance.

Thank you for being here and sharing our time together.

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Hi, Daniel

Daniel A. Linder is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Relationship Therapist and Trainer, an Addiction and Intervention specialist, with nearly four decades of experience working with individuals, couples and families.

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