Making Love Isn’t What It Used to Be 05/03/2022

Friday, June 14, 2024

Primary Blog/Making Love Isn’t What It Used to Be 05/03/2022

What if making love was making love?!

Making love isn’t what it used to be. It used to be that making love was not making love at all. Making love was code for having sex.

So many times, when I asked people who were out wanting to meet new people and who shared that they had spent the night with someone they just met, “Did you have sex?” They answered affirmatively but corrected my undignified wording, “Yes. We made love.” They preferred to believe or perceive sex as one and the same as making love. They used ‘making love’ to elevate their experience and misrepresent how intimate they were. “Making love” was a cover for sex by making it appear as if it wasn’t just sex, that there was more to it, perhaps more of an emotional connection, that went beyond sex.

If they didn’t answer, “We made love,” their answer would be, “We were intimate,” instead, which made it more confusing as to what actually happened or whether they were intimate at all. “We were intimate” was also code for sex, making sex sound more intimate than just sex.

Making love didn’t appear on anyone’s radar, ever. But that’s changing, beginning with me. For me now, I’ve discovered that making love can mean making love. But is that even possible? How does one make love? For me, connecting deeply and intimately with someone is making love with them. And to me, making love feels better than making love the old sexual way.

For me, intimacy is lovemaking. Making deep connections is lovemaking.

The relationships I have with my clients are as deeply intimate as any other significant relationship. I establish a therapeutic alliance and create a safe space of acceptance and trust, a womb space for intimacy. The work we do together feels like making love to me. It’s like being in a warm ocean together, as they open the door to their vast interior world, where we discover what’s there together. And allowing me to impact them and change their lives and relationships, as well as mine. There’s a lot of nourishment to be had there. Lots of deep connection and intimacy. And it feels so good. So much oxytocin.

Yes. Rely on the connections you make and intimacy you create, for sustenance!

Feel free to leave questions and comments here: contact.relationshipvision@gmail.com
​I’d love to see and respond to them.

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Hi, Daniel

Daniel A. Linder is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Relationship Therapist and Trainer, an Addiction and Intervention specialist, with nearly four decades of experience working with individuals, couples and families.

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