Know When You’re Triggered (08/08/2022)

Friday, June 14, 2024

Primary Blog/Know When You’re Triggered (08/08/2022)

What I’ve seen for myself and my relationships, as well as the hundreds of relationships I’ve worked with, is that triggered reactivity has much greater damage potential when it’s unconscious and not discussed. Triggered spells disconnection; it's unconsciously projecting onto the other person residue from past unresolved trauma. You're relating to a figment of imagination, no longer perceiving and responding to each other based on the situation at hand in the present time.

But when you’re conscious and aware when you’re triggered, you can then talk about them and have a conversation about them. In the process of talking about them, you resurrect yourself in the moment by sharing your experience. In the process of co-creating and connecting, you get out from underneath unconscious reactivity and defensiveness that was sourced in the past and enforce disconnection. It’s impossible to resurrect yourself and connect in the present when you’re locked up in the past. When you talk them out, and someone is listening, the triggers become a thing of the past, like yesterday’s newspaper, no longer bearing on the present.

When you become conscious that you're triggered or the other person lets you know that you're triggered; one of you has to set off a "trigger alarm " - code for abruptly stopping the conversation you were having, focus on the triggered (experience and behavior), perhaps compare notes as to each one's respective triggers. On who is triggered. They disappear when you connect, like a miracle, and then you're back together, 'me' and 'you' right here right now.

Yes. Rely on the connections you make and the intimacy you create for sustenance!


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Hi, Daniel

Daniel A. Linder is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Relationship Therapist and Trainer, an Addiction and Intervention specialist, with nearly four decades of experience working with individuals, couples and families.

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