Don’t Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth (Friendship Isn’t What it Used to Be) 05/06/2022
Friday, June 14, 2024
“We could be friends” is another common misrepresentation that dismisses the sanctity of friendship and connection with prophetic consequences.
Whenever I’ve heard “We could be friends,” said, it was in the context of having feelings towards the other person, you’re too uncomfortable to say, like when you’re on a date and you’re not “feeling it,” you’re not feeling attracted, interested or romantic, and that for whatever reasons, you sugarcoat your communication, by saying instead, that “we could be friends” or “I like you as a (friend).” You don’t want to say anything that could reflect on you negatively or hurt the other person’s feelings.
Oftentimes, this is what happens: you’re not connecting, you’re not a fit, and you’re not feeling the ‘friend’ vibe; no basis for a friendship, and it doesn’t reflect on either person personally as much as it was a failed attempt to connect in a way what whets your appetite to pursue more of a relationship or friendship.
When the term, friend is used to avoid dealing with the truth about how you feel, you’re doing the concept of friendship a disservice. When you call or imply someone is a friend who isn’t a friend, you’re devaluing something sacred; chances are, you don’t or won’t have any real friends. It’s a negative affirmation that can often turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Remember what a friend is. A friend is as special, deep and intimate, and as vital source of nourishment as any relationship could be, and again, that is void of any sexual or romantic involvement.
When you call someone who isn’t a friend a friend, you’ve lost sight of what a friend is. A friend is an intimate partner; some are more intimate than others. We’re not talking about distant friends. If you can’t be friends, you can’t be intimate, and if you can’t be intimate, you can’t be friends. It’s not a term to be used loosely to get around dealing with uncomfortable feelings.
To live fulfilling lives, friends are a vital source of nourishment. Don’t diss friendship by giving it a secondary status when it should be primary as any other significant relationship. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.
Yes. Rely on the connections you make and intimacy you create for sustenance!
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Hi, Daniel
Daniel A. Linder is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Relationship Therapist and Trainer, an Addiction and Intervention specialist, with nearly four decades of experience working with individuals, couples and families.
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