Do You Want Me To Be Honest and Real or Say What You Want to Hear?

Friday, June 14, 2024

Primary Blog/Do You Want Me To Be Honest and Real or Say What You Want to Hear?

After 6 plus decades of experience in relationships combined with 4 decades of clinical training and doing relationship therapy, I’ve come to realize that the inability to give and receive feedback applies to all people and relationships, in therapy or otherwise, is practically universal.

Despite how important being honest and real is or how much you wish to be and talk about being honest and real with each other, when it comes down to giving and receiving feedback, the communication tends to devolve, regardless what the topic is. Once the feedback gets or feels personal, tension builds, the emotional atmosphere intensifies, buttons get pushed, defensive reactivity derails the conversation and its downhill from there.

A common example of a prompt that most people would have difficulty with hearing or saying what one’s honest take is, but one that is a standard ‘must’ conversation in relationship therapy circles is. How do you feel towards your loved one and in the relationship?

What makes giving and receiving feedback a practically universal stumbling block?

I believe that the answer is the ambivalence around being honest and real. While they probably wouldn’t admit it, most people would prefer to hear what they want to hear or would make them feel good, rather than hearing the truth regarding what they’re really feeling or thinking at that particular moment about whatever the topic is.

On the same token, most people have difficulty giving a loved one honest feedback because of concern about how the other person might feel being on the receiving end of your honesty, so they’d be more inclined to tailor their feedback accordingly.

So, if ever you have the inclination or desire to give or receive feedback about anyone or number of topics, it will be incumbent upon you to ask yourself, and if possible, have a conversation in which you’re both answering the question, “Do you want me to be honest and real or say what you want to hear?”

In this conversation, both align in purpose to establish being honest and real with each other their top priority above making the other person feel better, and not to tailoring each other’s communication accordingly. When you’re beating around the bush or holding back from sharing your experience, it has the effect of diluting that substance of the conversation and keeping it more superficial and narrowly focused and much harder to connect. Honest feedback holds much greater bonding potential.

Yes. Rely on the connections you make and intimacy you create for sustenance!

Feel free to leave questions and comments below or you may send me an email HERE.

Watch More Videos on my YouTube Channel here: https://buff.ly/3l6kozu
Find Me on Facebook here: https://bit.ly/3OACXs1
Follow me on Twitter here: https://bit.ly/3zEwOXq
Connect With Me on LinkedIn here: https://bit.ly/3Q2zgwo

customer1 png

Hi, Daniel

Daniel A. Linder is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Relationship Therapist and Trainer, an Addiction and Intervention specialist, with nearly four decades of experience working with individuals, couples and families.

1 png

The Miracle of Connection

The Birth and Life of an Intimate Relationship

The Miracle of Connection cracks the code to make the miracle of connection happen for yourself so that you can forge deeper and more intimate connections than you ever imagined was possible.

Group Copy 3 svg

RelationshipVision™ Copyright 2023 - 2024

Privacy Policy