Discovery:

Addiction can and often does begin at the point of Discovery. The initial high or rush is extraordinarily gratifying, pain-relieving or wish-fulfilling.

Addiction implies dependency. An irreversible attachment or relationship is established. 

Emotional withdrawal occurs when the effect wears off. Reality becomes a “less than” experience. A state of perpetual insatiability begins.

Denial is operating, rendering the exper...

A Sociological Perspective

Doesn’t the term stigma harken us back to Sociology 101? Those were the days when Irving Goffman was in the spotlight. Goffman got famous from his work on stigma and the social forces that shape our identity. What made him special was his ability to capture human experience, which made him a psychologist/sociologist of sorts. Despite its far-reaching implications and relevance, the phenomenon of stigm...

What is an Intervention?

An intervention is a step-by-step process with a specific purpose: to give significant others the opportunity to confront their loved one about their addiction and the need for help and treatment. Above all, it’s a process by which family/friends can learn to talk to each other, to be honest, real and direct, while at the same time expressing their care and concern for the addict. It is usually a last r...

Recovering addicts hear this all the time in 12-step programs. However, this sound bit of wisdom is rarely heeded. Many have a hard time accepting that a hiatus from intimate relationships is necessary. In their minds, dating and new relationships seem benign. As long as I'm not using and we're not using and are in a program, I'm safe. Not so fast. Getting into an intimate relationship prematurely is, as my mother...

Breaking up Mindfully is an outgrowth of The Relationship Model of Addiction (TRMA™). TRMA™ introduces a new paradigm for understanding addiction and recovery, one that shines a light on the emotional, psychological, and relationship aspects of addiction.

Just like an addict whose world revolves alcohol, sex or gambling, whatever substance or activity, the codependent's world revolves around other people.

Another running theme of codependency is the individual's inability to set and maintain clear boundaries and the lack of clearly established boundaries in their family of origin relationships. The blurring of boundaries between self and other, me and you, is often the key factor distinguishing dysfunctional relationships from healthy ones.

Codependency, as discussed in prior newsletters, is a deep longstanding pattern of considering the needs of others more than your own. Codependency can be viewed as an addiction, i.e. a love addiction or relationship addiction, as the relationship is driven by unconscious, unmet emotional needs (The Relationship Model of Addiction™(TRMA™). It originates in dysfunctional families where children learn to overcompensate for the l...

Before further discussion about codependency as an addiction, let's briefly re-establish a working definition of addiction: An addiction is a relationship with a means of relief. Where there is addiction, there is pain from unmet emotional needs. It is the need to relieve that pain that drives the addiction. (The Relationship Model of Addiction™(TRMA™).

One of the latest developments in the field of addiction is the Relationship Model of Addiction™(TRMA™. The prevailing approach to addiction for the past 50 plus years has been a medical-based model. When the American Medical Association established that alcoholism (which later became interchangeable with chemical dependency as well as addiction) qualified as a disease-a "pathological dependence," only objective or s...