Now that He Popped the Question....."Should I Get Married?"

I have been involved in a relationship for 8 years. We started dating when I was 18 and now I am 26. He is two years older than me. We have lived together 5 of these
years, mostly in college. After we both graduated, he wanted to "take a break" from the relationship. During this time, I tried to date other guys but nothing ever fully came of
them partially because I still considered myself to be "sort of" in a relationship. There were a couple of guys that I went out with but nothing substantial ever came of them. Then, I found out he slept with someone else and I was completely heartbroken. We talked about it - actually I sobbed over the phone to him - and we decided it was ridiculous to continue living apart when we obviously still loved each other. So, I moved in with him and his best friend/roommate. Things have been good and the old fights we
used to have don't happen as often. In the past year and a half or so, we've gone to 4 weddings and recently people have been asking us why we aren't married. I never really
asked him about it because either I was afraid of his response or of it actually happening - but I went out on a limb and asked why he hasn't proposed to me yet after all of this time.

Well, yesterday, we were out on a picnic and he popped the question. I was stricken with surprise and anxiety and I did not know what exactly to say. So I told him that I loved him
and that I need to think about it in so many words. I'm wondering why I don't just jump up and down for joy and yell "finally!" If we have been together this long through
ups and downs, why am I not fully ready...or am I ready and just naturally nervous? Why does it seem that woman are just supposed to say yes or no right away? I know that I love
him, so why is this so hard for me?

Response from Daniel.....

Is yours a case of "Be careful for what you wish for?..." Not necessarily.

It would be worthwhile at this point to explore what his "popping the question" means to you. Do a reality check with yourself. Many people fall into the trap of expecting to be or assuming they are more secure and better off in the relationship, and that the relationship is stronger and its future brighter. While a marriage proposal is a statement of commitment and intention to stay together, it is, by no means a guarantee that the relationship will continue to work out or last. For all intents and purposes, nothing
really changes, certainly not the ups and downs that normally occur in any relationship, as well the issues existing in you relationship up to now. Part of your nervousness, slowness to respond, or lack of excitement can be attributable to you stepping out from under the aura of idealization and realizing that your relationship is a "mixed bag" and that you are no longer basking in the one-sided bliss of marrying the man of your dreams and living "happily ever after."

There is no room for complacency.

The question the two of you need to be asking is, "Are we prepared for the challenges ahead?" Pre-marital counseling is strongly recommended to any couple planning a future
together. There is no doubt that some basic relationship skills building makes for a a more solid foundation, one that can and will weather the storms that inevitably plague
any relationship over time. Pre-marital counseling offers the opportunity to explore and practice communicating about goals, conflicts, differences, needs, issues and feelings
that most of us tend to avoid or deny, as well as expectations (spoken and unspoken) in a therapeutic/learning environment.

Research shows that more than half of all marriages will end on divorce. The primary contributing factor is the lack of understanding and skills necessary for any intimate
relationship to last. With pre-marital, those odds change dramatically.