Detach with Love. But How Much Should I Detach?

Daniel, thank you so much for your response. With so many emotional transitions over the past year, I seem to have forgotten basic healthy behaviors/steps.

Regarding no intimate relationships for one year, I have always had a struggle with that one in terms of my partner and myself as we were in a relationship for over 7 years, then shortly after his father's death and some personal setbacks, he relapsed, each of our separations was a result of my setting boundaries regarding his active addictions, his choice not to get help at the time.... When he (his own choice after some time on his own) entered a recovery program, I and one of his family members were there for him all the way. I am hearing myself and realize that perhaps I am trying to convince myself of something here, staying open to that thought... It's very difficult when there is a seven year relationship existing. I do feel that intimacy at this time should not be of a sexual nature, but a time of becoming friends again, building trust, non-sexual affection etc........ as we both heal.

And yes the anger must be about me, because I have not experienced frustration/sadness like this even during the most chaotic moments of a loved one's addiction.

"Detach with love. But how much should I detach?

Response from Daniel…

The idea is not necessarily to completely detach yourself emotionally from him, but rather shift the focus from him to yourself as your primary consideration. Yes you do have a 7 year relationship history with him, but it was a roller coaster as you described it, plagued by addiction throughout. Sustained stability and recovery were never achieved which are pre-requisites if the relationship has a chance to become truly intimate and last. He has his challenges to deal with and you have yours. My guess is that your anger has more to do with you and pain from unconscious unmet emotional needs stemming from earlier (family of origin) relationships, and as a result you formed a dependency based relationship to serve an escape or means of relief.