The Definition of a Date.

So I saw this guy checking me out on campus. so I added him on Face book. He emails me, we exchange email for a while and decide to meet up. We go on a date and he is the most romantic guy I have ever met he drives me around showing me beautiful views in his town, gives me his life story shows me pics of places he traveled and everything. Then he takes me to meet his friends there all really nice. We drive around some more and he said, “His friends like me. I’m really cute. I’m really nice. He really likes me.” And, “He can see this going somewhere.” Then he drops me off back at my car. We kiss goodnight. He calls me to make sure I get home OK. I went on vacation the next day. He told me to call him to let him know I get in all right. We talk all weekend. Long story short he's a total sweetheart. We go on another date when I got back. It goes really good. Then he calls me and we were both at the mall; he with his mom. So we meet up and I meet his mom. Ok then Valentine’s Day comes around. He says he has to do dinner with his mom but he'll call me when he's done so we can meet up. He didn't call me so I called him. He said he forgot to call me and was out at the bar with an old friend and he will call me in the morning and well hang out tomorrow. He didn't call me and hasn't called me since. Is he like trying to tell me to get lost in a nice way? I don't know. I really like him.

Should I wait for him to call me?
Should I call him?
If I call him what should I say?
I am I wasting my time with this guy?

Please help.

Response from Daniel…

When it comes to dating, it will behoove you to adhere to some basic guidelines.

1 The definition of a date: A date is an initial encounter or meeting for the purpose of seeing how you feel being together and decide whether or not you want to see the person again.

2 A relationship develops one date at a time.

Regardless of how well the date goes, how good of a time you had together, how interested and/or attracted you feel, your sights should be set on a 2^nd date. This is to help you maintain a realistic perspective so you don’t over commit or get overly involved prematurely. It sounds like you got a bit ahead of yourself, romantic excitement can be blinding and when this happens, it works to your detriment because you lose objectively. You fell into a common trap, assuming more of a relationship than there was. You had gone a total of 2 dates and met his mother, and built up unrealistic expectations, which resulted in disappointment as he fell way short of them.

It took a couple of dates before he failed to follow through with the plan, had not acted responsibly by not calling and not be accountable. At this point, the “writing is on the wall.” Doubt should be cast on whether you can trust this person and if trust is in question, you need to put the brakes on, put way back emotionally and remove all expectations and hopes. Of course there is no way to know what exactly his intentions are or what is going on in his head, but his behavior speaks volumes.

Should you wait for him to call me? Absolutely.

Should I call him? I wouldn’t.

If I call him what should I say? It is now up to him to call you to explain himself; clarify his intentions.

I am I wasting my time with this guy? Only if you continue to invest yourself emotionally. So far you haven’t wasted your time because you felt a connection but saw that there isn’t enough to keep going. You had the opportunity to practice and gained experience dealing with a common situation that calls for you to operate in your own self-interest. You went as far as you could go with this person and without reciprocity on his part; it makes sense for you to stop there. Now the challenge is for you to get ready to meet new people and see what happens with them.