Blog for Addicts in Relationships

Hi there-

I am looking to find some type of support group, or blog that I might be able to read to help me with my situation. I am a heroin addict, injecting up to 2 g's per day and my boyfriend is a severe alcoholic. We were high school sweethearts that went our separate ways, but we have recently reconnected. We are trying to get sober, but as is the story with all addicts, our personal attempts are not enough. We have come to the realization that we both need to seek help.

My question here is the love that we have for each other healthy? We honestly are deeply in love, and were before either of us every struggled with addiction. We want to quit so that we will be able to have a life and a future with each other. If you know of any websites, blogs or support groups that I can turn to that help addicts and the people they care about, I would be very appreciative. Thanks!

Response from Daniel…

Is the love you have for each other healthy?

Some of your love is healthy and some is not. Healthy or not is a matter of timing.

Where are you with your addictions? Where are you in your recovery?

Are you actively in your addiction or are you abstinent? Are you trying to be in an intimate relationship before you are ready to be in one?

“No (sexually) intimate relationships during the first year of recovery” is a guideline that applies here. There is a requisite period of self- work, a year or so, when you are developing the relationship with yourself, learning to operate from within so that you will no longer need to depend on outside sources. It takes a year or so before you have a Self to bring to a relationship. If you don’t take an extended period of self-work, chances are the relationship will self-destruct, overwhelmed by your respective unconscious, unmet emotional needs. So many years spent depending on outside sources for relief, the behavior becomes habituated, and will continue until the Self is discovered and brought to life. That first year of self-work requires quite the commitment as there is a period of pain to get through for which there is no relief, when you learn how to cope with pain, and to rely on yourself for sustenance and guidance.

Creating and sustaining an intimate relationship is, by no means impossible, but certain conditions come into play. We know that carrying on your secret love affairs (heroin and alcohol); your secret lives, is all consuming and draining. We have already established that that relationship is a primary relationship, that is, takes precedence over all other relationships. We know that self-medicating is not healing, just feels a whole lot better. We know that addiction is a vicious cycle of self-starvation. We know that the (emotional) food sought and consumed leaves you hungrier than before, and does not provide any emotional nourishment, only a rush of excitement, after which you hungrier than before.