Do I try and save this relationship?

I have a question but first let me fill you in on a little about my past relationship before I ask you this question. First marriage was great for a while until drinking got involved and violence. The only good thing that came out of that marriage was my kids. Second marriage was like I was reliving the past. I finally got up courage to leave him; left and met another man in which I thought was great, but after a year and a half into the relationship I find out that he is now lying and occasionally using drugs. He doesn't have any violence though we've been fighting for the last 3 months and I feel I am reliving the past again. He moved out. I feel I need help in relationship as I always pick the wrong men.

My question is: Do I try and save this relationship or try and get help for me in bettering myself for future relationships? PS I do love this man with all my heart.

Response from Daniel....

Hi Diana,

Your history makes it unlikely you will break the pattern of abusive, dysfunctional relationships without doing some in depth self-work, which is usually accomplished by taking a hiatus from relationships for a while, pursuing individual therapy and then some relationship training. Better understanding the creative process of building healthy, intimate relationships and develop the necessary skills will, no doubt, brighten you relationship future. Creating healthy relationships is a monumental challenge for everyone, only more so for those who lack healthy role models, whose family of origin relationships as well as current ones have been and continue to be predominantly dysfunctional, and those in recovery from addictions, co-dependency included. You seem to have realized that you need help in relationship as "always pick the wrong men." Therefore the answer to you question is on the side of bettering yourself for future relationships rather than trying to make a relationship where you feel like you're re-living the past work better by loving him with "all your heart." You've tried that before to no avail. Love is often not enough.




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