It Just Isn't the Right Time Yet.

Thank you for the post, "No Intimate Relationships in the First Year of Sobriety!" There have been times in my early sobriety that I have hoped for a relationship to hold my hand in this journey. Somewhere along the line I have realized that it is a self defeating desire. I'm not even 4 months sober and I really don't know who I am...I'm learning but I have a great ways to go. In my drinking past, I always rushed the physical intimacy component because I am incredibly uncomfortable with the emotional intimacy part. I have hoped that my partners could get everything they needed from me physically. It is increasingly clear to me that once I can get comfortable with who I am, it will be oh so much easier to invite someone in. Right now I run the risk of being consumed by another cuz I dont' know enough about myself yet. A relationship would only serve to interrupt and interfere with my growing understanding with who I am and who I will be. Of course I would LOVE one...but I know.

Response from Daniel....

It's an attest to your integrity as you proceed through recovery that you're able and willing to take a realistic view of your ship. You see that your limitations and lack of essential experience has led to the demise of the relationship. You seem to have some understanding of stages of self development. The self-work you are engaged in at this time will pay off and be reflected in the quality of your next relationship.

The physical/sexual part of a relationship is usually far easier to attain, but is often mistaken for emotional intimacy, which translates to a lack of preparedness for the challenges emotional intimacy poses. In order to participate in a growing (emotionally) intimate relationship, it's necessary to first grow that relationship with yourself. In order to deal with being vulnerable for example, one must have developed resources in oneself to rely on, be able to handle a wide range of feelings, be self-aware so that intimate communicate is possible. When entering into a relationship prematurely, you're increasing the risk of relapse as a deteriorating relationship or one that doesn't work out may be the most common trigger for relapse.