Definition: The Relationship Model of Addiction
What is The Relationship Model of Addiction?
The disease model was the greatest thing since sliced bread. In medical terms, addiction is a disease -- a “pathological dependence.” Once they start, they can not stop. It worsens over time. The addict self-destructs, ruins his/her life and the lives of those around him or her. The causes are bio-chemical and genetically based. Sobriety and abstinence are the first steps towards stabilization.
“It’s a disease,” means that anyone can get sick at any time, and when one does, s/he needs understanding and care. Addiction is not anyone’s fault. You’re not a bad person, a loser or a failure. You’re not a criminal or morally decrepit. When you get sick there is nothing to be ashamed of. You need help. And you can get better! The disease model made possible millions to people to seek help. There is no stronger advocate of the disease concept than me.
However, after 50 years or so, its limitations have become quite pronounced.
The Relationship Model of Addiction picks up where the disease model leaves off and establishes a new standard for understanding addiction. It’s based on several principles.
“Pathological dependence” implies a relationship.
The relationship is with a source of relief, i.e. mind/mood altering substances, activities or other relationships that serve to provide relief from emotional pain.
Pain from unmet emotional needs from past and current relationships is the driving force behind the addiction: the need to relieve pain.
The need to relieve pain is a basic human need, and therefore must be viewed as a primary motivational force. Newton’s Law, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction,” applies to addiction. While it is impossible to quantify or measure the severity of pain as well as the need for relief, we may surmise that the greater the emotional deprivation, the greater the backlog of pain, the greater the need for relief, and thus, the greater susceptibility to becoming addicted.
Etiology goes back to the preponderance of non-intimate, non-emotionally nourishing, dysfunctional relationships.
A predisposing condition is a backlog of pain (subjective, but nevertheless real.)
The relationship in one in which there is a beginning, progressive emotional and psychological involvement.
It’s the number one relationship in the addict’s life, relegating all others to secondary status.
The relationship is conducted in secret, i.e. a secret love affair.
Self deception, denial and delusion are always operating.
If addiction is based on the need to relieve pent-up pain from unmet needs sourced in one’s relationships, it becomes clear that the ability to create emotionally nourishing relationships is a primary goal in recovery.
The Relationship Model provides a sound theoretical basis for Relational Recovery – the need to for relationship training as a core part of any treatment regimen on order to make possible the transition to sober, intimate and emotionally nourishing relationships.
Why do some people get addicted and not others?
There are those who have addiction running rampant in their families or who have a biochemical predisposition for becoming an addict who do not become dependent. The same goes for a chemical imbalance. We may surmise that becoming addicted involves more than just genetics or biology.
On the same token, we know that the incidence of abuse in one’s family of origin also correlates, but we don’t know exactly why or how significant a role it has. Some people with a history of family of origin abuse may experiment with various mind/mood substances or activities, but don’t become addicted. We might suggest, therefore, the level of pre-existing (emotional and physical) pain at the time of discovery as another way to explain why some people and not others become addicted.
Perhaps the simplest explanation for the phenomenon of addiction is that it is a matter of the right chemistry. It is when the “right” person discovers the affect that a need for more develops. The right person could be anyone whose level of pre-existing emotional pain causes an extraordinarily pleasurable or pain-relieving gratifying experience.
The disease model was the greatest thing since sliced bread. In medical terms, addiction is a disease -- a “pathological dependence.” Once they start, they can not stop. It worsens over time. The addict self-destructs, ruins his/her life and the lives of those around him or her. The causes are bio-chemical and genetically based. Sobriety and abstinence are the first steps towards stabilization.
“It’s a disease,” means that anyone can get sick at any time, and when one does, s/he needs understanding and care. Addiction is not anyone’s fault. You’re not a bad person, a loser or a failure. You’re not a criminal or morally decrepit. When you get sick there is nothing to be ashamed of. You need help. And you can get better! The disease model made possible millions to people to seek help. There is no stronger advocate of the disease concept than me.
However, after 50 years or so, its limitations have become quite pronounced.
The Relationship Model of Addiction picks up where the disease model leaves off and establishes a new standard for understanding addiction. It’s based on several principles.
“Pathological dependence” implies a relationship.
The relationship is with a source of relief, i.e. mind/mood altering substances, activities or other relationships that serve to provide relief from emotional pain.
Pain from unmet emotional needs from past and current relationships is the driving force behind the addiction: the need to relieve pain.
The need to relieve pain is a basic human need, and therefore must be viewed as a primary motivational force. Newton’s Law, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction,” applies to addiction. While it is impossible to quantify or measure the severity of pain as well as the need for relief, we may surmise that the greater the emotional deprivation, the greater the backlog of pain, the greater the need for relief, and thus, the greater susceptibility to becoming addicted.
Etiology goes back to the preponderance of non-intimate, non-emotionally nourishing, dysfunctional relationships.
A predisposing condition is a backlog of pain (subjective, but nevertheless real.)
The relationship in one in which there is a beginning, progressive emotional and psychological involvement.
It’s the number one relationship in the addict’s life, relegating all others to secondary status.
The relationship is conducted in secret, i.e. a secret love affair.
Self deception, denial and delusion are always operating.
If addiction is based on the need to relieve pent-up pain from unmet needs sourced in one’s relationships, it becomes clear that the ability to create emotionally nourishing relationships is a primary goal in recovery.
The Relationship Model provides a sound theoretical basis for Relational Recovery – the need to for relationship training as a core part of any treatment regimen on order to make possible the transition to sober, intimate and emotionally nourishing relationships.
Why do some people get addicted and not others?
There are those who have addiction running rampant in their families or who have a biochemical predisposition for becoming an addict who do not become dependent. The same goes for a chemical imbalance. We may surmise that becoming addicted involves more than just genetics or biology.
On the same token, we know that the incidence of abuse in one’s family of origin also correlates, but we don’t know exactly why or how significant a role it has. Some people with a history of family of origin abuse may experiment with various mind/mood substances or activities, but don’t become addicted. We might suggest, therefore, the level of pre-existing (emotional and physical) pain at the time of discovery as another way to explain why some people and not others become addicted.
Perhaps the simplest explanation for the phenomenon of addiction is that it is a matter of the right chemistry. It is when the “right” person discovers the affect that a need for more develops. The right person could be anyone whose level of pre-existing emotional pain causes an extraordinarily pleasurable or pain-relieving gratifying experience.
posted by RelationshipVision at 3:36 AM
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