I'm Not in Recovery, but My Boyfriend Is. How Does this Work?
HOW DOES A RELATIONSHIP WORK IF I AM NOT IN RECOVERY BUT MY BOYFRIEND IS?
Daniel's Response from the Advice Corner...
There are specific challenges that apply to a relationship in which one person is in recovery and the other is not. At the very least, the person who is not in recovery should be educated about the process of addiction and recovery.
For example, the recovering person's sustained sobriety is a key to the quality, growth and duration of the relationship. If and when the recovering person relapses, the relationship is automatically jeopardized, as restoring sobriety becomes the top priority while the relationship is, for all intents and purposes on hold.
The one who is not recovering also needs to be able to assess the quality of his/her partner's recovery, i.e. level of commitment, on-going participation in a program to assure that recovery is always in the forefront of his/her consciousness.
Understanding the nature of addiction is important as well. Addiction is a relationship with a source of relief, one that is not emotionally nourishing, yet overpowering nevertheless; that is, when active, developing and maintaining other intimate relationships are virtually impossible. On the same token, having a sufficient amount of sobriety is another consideration before entering into a relationship with a recovering person. There are good reasons for the standard guideline: "No intimate relationships until a year of sustained sobriety is achieved." If you get involved with a recovering person during the first year of recovery, chances are much greater that addictive tendencies will eventually doom the relationship. Certainly you don't want your relationship to serve as a safety valve, escape or a relief from the pain and challenges of sobriety.
Daniel's Response from the Advice Corner...
There are specific challenges that apply to a relationship in which one person is in recovery and the other is not. At the very least, the person who is not in recovery should be educated about the process of addiction and recovery.
For example, the recovering person's sustained sobriety is a key to the quality, growth and duration of the relationship. If and when the recovering person relapses, the relationship is automatically jeopardized, as restoring sobriety becomes the top priority while the relationship is, for all intents and purposes on hold.
The one who is not recovering also needs to be able to assess the quality of his/her partner's recovery, i.e. level of commitment, on-going participation in a program to assure that recovery is always in the forefront of his/her consciousness.
Understanding the nature of addiction is important as well. Addiction is a relationship with a source of relief, one that is not emotionally nourishing, yet overpowering nevertheless; that is, when active, developing and maintaining other intimate relationships are virtually impossible. On the same token, having a sufficient amount of sobriety is another consideration before entering into a relationship with a recovering person. There are good reasons for the standard guideline: "No intimate relationships until a year of sustained sobriety is achieved." If you get involved with a recovering person during the first year of recovery, chances are much greater that addictive tendencies will eventually doom the relationship. Certainly you don't want your relationship to serve as a safety valve, escape or a relief from the pain and challenges of sobriety.
posted by RelationshipVision at 6:58 AM
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