Reciprocity in Relationships

A Question from the Advice Corner

Can I please have you opinion on whether a person can ever be too forthright and communicative in a relationship?

Too forthright? Too communicative? At some point in the communication process you may be communicative and forthright, but the communication will not be complete until you get a response. What you’re always looking for in a relationship, at the bare minimum, is reciprocity. If you’re communicative and forthright and that elicits a communicative and forthright response from your partner, chances are better to generate rapport, achieve intimacy and really enjoy being together. Furthermore, if you’re not communicative and forthright, achieving rapport and intimacy becomes impossible. If the person you’re with responds in kind, you’re set.

However, if you continue to be communicative and forthright and your partner doesn’t or doesn’t know how to respond in kind, you cease being communicative and forthright. There will no longer be a natural flow and deepening in the relationship.

If you continue when your communication is not reciprocated, chances are that you’re running off purpose, and your own personal agenda has taken over. Are these control issues -- trying to get the relationship to unfold on your terms and to your liking?

You may want to ask yourself the question, “How comfortable am I being vulnerable?” The nature of intimacy is one of vulnerability, because you never know how your partner will respond. He may be communicative and forthright or not.